A Brief Testimony

Why does my happiness only last for a little bit?

I started off this note with that question, beause I think it is a question many of us often ask ourselves.  I know there have been pleanty of times that I have been very aware that my happiness could leave me at any minute.  It's miserable and scary!  You get this urge to be preparing all sorts of Plan B's and Plan C's so if what is making you happy now dissapears, you will have something new to run to.  And you don't want to live that way, but sometimes it seems impossible not to.  You feel like you have to figure everything out in order not to be miserable.  And then you get stressed because you realize that you just cannot figure it out!

Why?  Why do we feel this way?  Why does happiness seem only like a dream?

It's because we turn to all the wrong things for our happiness.  Now I know the church says don't do drugs, don't smoke, don't drink, don't sleep around.  All of this is true, but why?  Why will we be happier if we don't do these things?  

And then you get to someone like me.  I dont smoke, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't sleep around.  So why do I still feel just as sad as everyone else who does these things?  It leads me to believe that maybe it has nothing to do with the do's and don'ts.  I mean I watch pretty "good" people stay pretty sad.  I even began to question, if God really loves us, then why do all of these "good" people feel so miserable inside too?  Why do I feel so miserable inside?

Once again, same answer.  Because we are looking to the wrong things for our happiness.  Now maybe you do find your joy in sleeping around.  Or maybe your like me.  I find joy when I am doing "ministry".  I find joy when I am with people I care about.  I find joy when people think highly of me.  I find joy when I am getting attention from guys.  This list goes on.  

I don't know about you, but as my list goes on it's like I loose any feeling of living for something.  It's like I have to start making goals for myself.  If I have goals, then I have a reason to keep going when things seem hard.  I have a reason to keep going even if I am not happy.

Yet I always would feel like life was not meant to be lived like this.  THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING MORE!  

This is an inner battle I faught for years.  I kept thinking, well maybe if I have a quiet time every day.  Maybe if I fast.  Maybe if I do good things.  Well that didn't work for me.  So I thought, maybe if I have this many friends.  Maybe if I can get this many guys to like me.  Maybe if I look pretty.  Still, that left me feeling empty inside too.  It was like EVERYTHING just made me feel empty, good or bad.  I would feel really good for a week maybe even longer, then before I knew it.  BOOM!  There I was miserable again.  I felt meaningless, pathetic, ugly, unloved, and really just empty.  All my striving had got me no whre, so then I felt like there was nothing worth living for.  Nothing I seemed to do made me feel better.  I couldn't figure it out.

But don't lose hope.  I finally found out what I thought was impossible really wasn't.  Everything I was striving for were all things that were never meant to satisfiy me.  Only God can satisfiy me.  And yes, I had heard that before.  I heard it every time I would go to something else for my identity.  It just sounded lame and not true at all that God would satisfiy me.  But guys, I was wrong for not believing it.  I had to go through quiet a lot to learn that though.  I almost lost my family, friends, dreams, and even any hopes of having a love life.  Or at least that is how I felt.  I slowly watched everything that was most important to me slip out of my hands.  Every time that would happen I would be pushed a little closer to God.  It was just really scary saying, "God you can have it all.  I will give you everything so that I may live totally for you."  Nothing about that sounded enjoyable.  And that is why God had to show me for Himself that it was a lot more enjoyable that what I expected it would be.

You see, God took everything that was important away from me and because of that, I am finally at a spot whre I can say it was worth it.  Giving everything to God alwasy ends up being worth it actually.  All the other things you try to find satisfaction in are not perfect.  They will only last for a little bit.  And though a lot of it is good, it cannot be what you live for.  You cannot live for yourself, for your dreams, for your friends.  You HAVE to live for God.  And let me tell you.  Once I finally decided to do that, everything I believed woudn't happen did.  Ever since then, I have had a joy and a peace that I know will never go away.  Now of course I sometimes still experience sadness, but even in my sadness, I still feel joy.  And the best part is, I'm not afraid of my joy leaving me.  That is because I am living for the only thing worth living for.  I am living for God.  

So if God is asking you to give somenting up, just do it.  You won't regret it.  In fact, you will regret not giving it up.  I am pursuaded of that.  Give God a chance to fill you and give you joy.  The more you try to leave it up to everything else, the more you are going to left feeling empty.  You do this by just falling in love with God.  Tell Him everything.  Learn about Him.  Learn how He feels about you, because let me tell you, He loves you a lot.  No matter what you have done, He still just really loves you and wants you to feel joy.  You can't change that.  Gosh, I just hope that this is something one day everyone will get, because, once you realize this, and apply it, you will never be the same. 

Did you know?

Did you know that this is the only time God has ever given people prophecies of revival?  And not only that, He is telling us how He wants us to go about it!

Thank about it, the craziest things that happened in the Bible God told us in advance would happen and then He showed us how.  He didn't necessarily give us every step a head of time, but instead He called us to simple obedience one step at a time.  I think it is important we obey God one step at a time, even in it's simplicity.

Powerful Relationships

One of the number one lies this generation believes is that God does not want to give them someone worth waiting for. Therefore, we don't wait. Why strive and wait for something you don't believe you are going to get?  I mean, it sure wouldn't be so hard if we always had someone telling us they loved us right?  Stop right there, because if this is your thought process, you have begun to believe in something that is not real.  What do I mean not real?  You have started dreaming about a "love" that is centered entirely around you.  Well... a love centered around me doesn't sound so very bad does it?  I promise you, this is something that can only go horribly wrong.  If you are wanting to be in a relationship because you need to feel loved, I can assure you that you will never totally be satisfiyed.  You will always be disapointed, hurt, and empty.  It almost leads you to start believing there is something wrong with you.  "Why will no one actually love me?" you ask. Well it is because your understanding of love is a little bit confused.  Love is not something only meant to be recieved, it is meant to be given.  If we all saught after being loved, no one would ever actually be loved.  That is why God has called us to a selfless love.  That is why His greatest act of love was Him sacrificing His son for us.  

Not gonna lie, a few years ago, all of this sounded miserable to me.  It sounded like if I went about relationships God's way, I'd be stuck serving some man who does nothing for me.  I began to believe God had someone extrmely ugly, super dule, and frekishly religous just waiting for me.  He most likely was going to have a harry mole on his face to complement his bushy unibrow.  No joke, when I saw "strong" Christians I didn't find attractive, I would quickly begin to pray God wouldn't make me marry them.  It was like I had no say in the matter.  So as you can see, I had very high expectations in a man... 

I think I'm maybe not alone in thinking this way.  I'd venture to say there are many out there who don't have high expectations.  And that is one BIG reason why we don't wait.  Let's date all the people we actually "like" befroe we are stuck with Mr/Mrs Mole Face Loser.  Believe it or not though, God is a pretty amazing match maker.  He created you and he also created someone perfect for you.  Unless you are one of the rare jems called to being single, you too have a match made in heaven waiting for you somewhere.  Don't believe me?  Just find a godly couple you admire and ask them.  Oh, well God just likes them more than you... No, He likes you a lot too!  He even likes you enough to give you someone your going to really enjoy falling in love with.

Why is it so important to me to share all this?  Well there are amazing AMAZING things that can happen when we actually begin to trust God with our love life.  On the other hand, there are pretty horrible things that can happen when we don't.  Probably many of you have already been through some of those things.  You see relationship was created as a form of worship to God.  When you find someone who's heart is in line with  yours and aiming streight towards worshiping God, God uses that to allow powerful things to happen.  All of the sudden all of your weaknesses are met by someone else's strengths and vice versa.  When a team like this is used for the kingdom of God... well world, you better watch out!  Think about it.  Your dreams were planted in your heart by God.  Also, the things you are attracted to were planted there by God.  Imagine if you got the 2 mixed.  Not only did you get someone who you are extremely attracted to, but you get someone dreaming on the same page as you!  IT GETS BETTER because, this amazing person would be pushing you to run after your dreams as they ran with you!  It's possible... IF you let God be the only one having direct your love life.  

Ok... time for the BIG question.  What happens if you settle?  Sure all this is amazing, but if I have to wait for something like that, well then you can forget about it.  Life is too miserable single.  I have to watch all my friends be all kissy kissy while I'm alwasy awkwardly stuck as the 3ed wheel.  Yay... what an exciting life... There are pleanty of "decent" people out there fairly attractive who I don't have to wait for.  People I will be pleanty fine with.  You see, that is what you think.  That is what many think.  And that is why many go from relationship to relationship to relatioship.  It turns into this cycle of constantly being hurt so you run to the next person to fix your pain.  Before you know it, you have become unfixable.  Your joy is fleeting and so are your dreams.  You begin to wonder if you will ever be satisfiyed.  Is there even actually someone who isn't a liar?  Is there someone who will respect you?  They just weren't who you thought they would be...  Have you felt this before?  Do you feel stuck in a cycle of hurt needing to be fixed by someone ASAP.  Well, until you hand your love life over to God, I can assure you that you will be stuck in this cycle.  

Maybe I am jumping to conclusions or maybe you would be the one exception.  I'm just stating what I have observed time and time again.  But imagine if this generation actually began to believe God wanted to give them someone worth waiting for?  Then we would ALL not only higher our expecations in a spouse, but higher expectations we have on ourselves.  If everyone did that, then we would live in a world of people actually worth waiting for.  I don't mean in a legalistic way and of course we live to honor God.  But I think you get what I mean.  It's actually kind of neat to think about.  I think it feels good to have a purpose when it comes to relationships.  It feels good to be worthy of someone that you may actually one day look at and say, "How did I get someone like you?".  It feels good to know, someone may actually even say those words about you one day.

Ok now, so how do we even get there?  We get there by falling totally in love with God.  Instead of alwasy thinking about who that special someone might be, allow yourself to be captivated by God.  The more you allow God to become your number one love, the more you are pursuaded you can only have someone that will make your worshipping of God stronger.  The best part is, you always have something to satisfy you and you are not depend on love from someone else because the love of God will be more than enough.  You won't need man's love anymore.  Captivation with God will fix all your relationship problems in a way.  Don't beleive me?  Try it out for a bit and watch what happens.  You will find a joy and peace which you never knew was possible.  You will find your confidence increases because you wont care what anyone thinks.  You will find yourself completely satisfiyed.  You will find you have become someone worth waiting for.